MLB Pick'Em 04/08

 

Welcome to the time honored, week old, MLB Pick'Em 2017! It's been a wild week fun of "Up, Up, Up, and Away" mixed with one "abandon ship you bastards, don't be a fucking hero!," good times were had by all. 

One editor's note we wanted to bring you this morning, going forward, animals will no longer be harmed during the making of these articles. 

April Yesterday (7th), 2017 Picks:

Braves vs Pirates, pick Pirates, WON
Red Sox vs Tigers, pick Tigers, WON
Nationals vs Phillies, pick Nationals, WON
Dodgers vs Rockies, pick Dodgers, LOST
Giants vs Padres, pick Padres, WON
Yankees vs Orioles, pick Yankees, LOST
Marlins vs Mets, pick Marlins, WON
Blue Jays vs Rays, pick Blue Jays. LOST
Athletics vs Rangers, pick Rangers, WON
Twins vs White Sox, pick Twins, WON
Cubs vs Brewers, pick Cubs, LOST
Royals vs Astros, pick Royals, WON
Reds vs Cardinals, pick Cardinals, LOST
Indians vs Diamondbacks, pick Diamondbacks, WON 
Mariners vs Angels, pick Angels, WON (Fuck Mike Trout)

Yesterday's Record: 10-5
Monthly Record: 35-28
Yearly Record: 35-28


April Today (8th), 2017 Picks: 

Red Sox (Rodriguez) vs Tigers (Zimmermann)

These two teams matchup well against each other.  Both have very good offenses, deep rotations, and one or two starters that are question marks.  For the Red Sox, Rodriguez is the question mark.  And ze tigres, Zimmermann less so.  Because of that bone-crushing analysis, I give the edge and the game to the Tigers.
Pick: Tigers

Twins (Mejia) vs White Sox (Gonzalez)

How bout those undefeated Minnesota Twins! They are playing really well right now, but I think that the streak stops here, because last night my dog woke me up, barked three times, and then licked my face. White Sox hand the boys (fraternal) from the Twin Cities their first loss of the season.
Pick: White Sox

Reds (Arroyo) vs Cardinals (Wacha)

Bronson Arroyo is back in the Major Leagues!? Hot damned packcakes! The Reds are so desperate for pitching that they bring back a guy who was last effective during Obama’s first term in office.  Michael Wacha has been a bit of a disappointment since his blistering start, but I think he gets the better of Arroyo in this one. Cardinals win?
Pick: Cardinals

Yankees (Tanaka) vs Orioles (Gausman)

Tanaka did not pitch that well in his first game of the season.  Gausman did, though.  I like Kevin Gausman a lot this year, he's my boy, and I think this will be a low scoring game, but I am giving a slight edge to Tanaka and the Yankees on this one, and swear to make a donation to the Run-On Sentence Elimination Source (ROSES).
Pick: Yankees

Toronto (Sanchez) vs Rays (Archer)

That was the Chris Archer I was expecting to see!  He completely shut down the Yankees in his first (and only) start of the year.  He has a tougher test now as the Blue Jays offense is much caliente, but I think he is up to the challenge.  He and the Rays get the win.
Pick: Rays

Nationals (Guthrie) vs Phillies (Nola)

Jeremy Guthrie is a 38 year old pitcher who was expected to start the year in the Minor Leagues, but is being called up for a spot start (He cancelled his folk music gig for this start).  Aaron Nola is a 23 year old first round pick who is expected to be one of the aces of this Phillies staff (and gives this staff editor wet dreams).  Give me the youngster with the talent against the washed up folk singer.
Pick: Phillies

Braves (Dickey) vs Pirates (Kuhl)

R.A Dickey brings his knuckleball back to the National League for the Braves against Chad Kuhl and the Pirates.  Kuhl had a decent back half of the season last year with the Pirates, while Dickey has been below average for a while.  Combine that with the fact that the Pirates have a much better offense than the Braves and I think they get the win today. In other news, 1+1=3.
Pick: Pirates

Cubs (Hendricks) vs Brewers (Milone)

No one expects Kyle Hendricks to repeat what he did last year.  Just like his mother, all we want is for him to do his best. His ERA will probably go up by a half a run or more, the thing is, though, if his ERA goes up by a half run he will still be a very good pitcher.  The Cubs have gotten off to a bit of a slow start, including last night’s extra inning loss, but I think they get back in the win column today.
Pick: Cubs

Royals (Duffy) vs Astros (Keuchel)

The opening day start for "That 70s Show" star Astro Keuchel was a very encouraging sign for Houston Texan fans.  Danny Duffy historically struggles against the Astros, especially in Minute Maid Park, where a girl scout could hit a home run. The Astros win this game comfortably.
Pick: Astros

Marlins (Conley) vs Mets (Gsellman)

Adam Conley is the only player in Major League Baseball who went to my alma mater, THE Washington State University, so he has a soft spot in my heart.  Gsellman is the pitcher the Mets will inevitably rely on when one of their pitchers has Tommy John surgery.  My heart wants to go with Conley, but he didn’t look that good this spring so I am going with my brian-brain and going with the Mets.
Pick: Mets

Oakland (Graveman) vs Rangers (Darvish)

A much easier opponent for Yu Darvish this time.  Instead of going against Corey Kluber and the Indians, he gets Kendall Graveman and the Athletics.  Even though Darvish has struggled in his career against the Athletics, I think he gets the job done today and punches his time card a satisfied man (and later that night I expect Mrs. Darvish will be a satisfied woman). 
Pick: Rangers

Dodgers (Kershaw) vs Rockies (Gray)

There will be a day when I pick against Clayton Kershaw.  I know that.  My probation officer knows that. Hell, I was foretold the day would happen by a gypsy at a carnival. But today is not that day. 
Pick: Dodgers

Indians (Bauer) vs Diamondbacks (Greinke)

Trevor Bauer is quite the enigma to me.  He has so much talent but he walks too many batters, and gives up a lot of home runs.  Then he will have an 8 inning, three hit, 11 strike out game to throw everyone off.  Greinke pitched okay but not great against the Giants on opening day, and I don’t think he will pitch great today either.  I think Bauer pitches better than the former Cy Young winner and the Indians get the win.
Pick: Indians

Giants (Bumgarner) vs Padres (Chacin)

Poor Jhoulys Chacin.  In his first two starts this year he is matching up against Clayton Kershaw and now Madison Bumgarner.  No big deal, just two of the top five pitchers in all of baseball.  He will get a win at some point this year. And that win will be today! NOT!
Pick: Giants

Mariners (Hernandez) vs Angels (Nolasco)

I am quite certain two things will happen today in this game.  Mike Trout will hit a home run and strike out twice against Felix, and the Angels won’t muster many other runs against him.  It is an April rite of passage that those two facts come to fruition. Fuck Mike Trout.
Pick: Mariners