NBA Pick'Em 04/17: NBA Playoffs

Thanks for finding the time this morning to get up and get out on the internet. It's people like you who make this movement possible. Together we will defeat the crab people who walk like people, but taste like crabs. And you thought you were here for NBA picks and light-hearted analysis of which team has weaker character traits? Fool. You're here to boil water and eat crab. Here's your bib that is yesterday's results.

April Yesterday (16th), 2017 Picks:

Hawks @ Wizards, pick Wizards, WON
Trailblazers @ Warriors, pick Warriors, WON
Bulls @ Celtics, pick Celtics, LOST
Thunder @ Rockets, pick Rockets, WON

Yesterday's Record: 3-1
Playoff Record: 6-2

April Today (17th), 2017 Picks: 

Indiana Pacers @ Cleveland Cavaliers

What a game that was on Saturday! Paul George acted like a whiny bitch after the game. I searched YouTube for "Paul George game winner" and only a one video came up where he made a go-ahead three, but left the opposing team 29-seconds to score again. What a moron, it's great to believe in yourself. It's amazing to be the sort of leader who strives for such greatness, but take up with your team, not the media. Christ. The Pacers will always have to play well to beat Lebron. How is it that you're motivating your teammates when you expose them via the media like that?! The Pacers needed to make 45.8% of their 3-pointers and 85% of their free throws to have the honor of only losing by 1 point. And then George throws his coach and CJ Miles under the bus like that. 
Pick: Cavs

Memphis Grizzlies @ San Antonio Spurs

Boy howdy. Without their defensive specialist, the Griz really lose their character-driven luster. The Spurs won't shoot 52% from 3-land again, but none of their star players were injured. Christ, this series is going to be painful to watch. As I've said before, the Griz are the dry-humpers up the NBA, grinding out seasons with present-satisfaction, without actually doing anything impressive or long-lasting. This series is them dating someone way out of their league. They're freshman in college and they're sick of dry humping, they were told that by now they'd be actually having sex. Everyone in their life except them can see the writing on the wall: they are losers and their current girlfriend won't be with them much longer. What the Griz had in them to convince the Spurs to start dating them has already ran out. The Spurs are only sticking around another 3 games because they already promised to go as a date to the Griz's Aunt's wedding and they don't feel like being dicks.
Pick: Spurs