MLB Pick'Em 04/11


Welcome sweet, innocent, people to MLB Pick'Em 2017! The State Department regrets to inform you we were below .500 yesterday because we're dumb. Never leave your wingman and never bet against an ace pitcher. On to today! 

April Yesterday (10th), 2017 Picks:

Rays vs Yankees, pick Rays. LOST
Red Sox vs Tigers, pick Red Sox, LOST
Athletics vs Royals, pick Royals, LOST
Diamondbacks vs Giants, pick Giants, WON 
Astros vs Mariners, pick Astros, LOST
Cardinals vs Nationals, pick Nationals, WON 
Mets vs Phillies, pick Phillies, LOST
Reds vs Pirates, pick Reds, WON
Dodgers vs Cubs, pick Cubs, WON
Padres vs Rockies, pick Rockies, LOST

Yesterday's Record: 4-6
Monthly Record: 54-49
Yearly Record: 54-49

April Today (11th), 2017 Picks:

Twins (Santiago) vs Tigers (Boyd)

Hector Santiago looked good in his first start.  Matthew Boyd did not.  I think that both will come back to average this season.  Santiago will retire his parka as he travels south from Canada towards the planet Earth’s average, the equatorial line. Boyd never needed a parka, because travelled north from the temperate country of Chile. I like Santiago better than Boyd, both personally and romantically, and I really like the way the Twins are playing right now.  While it won’t continue forever, I am going to ride the hot hand and go with the Twins.
Pick: Twins

White Sox (Shields) vs Indians (Carrasco)

James Shields actually pitched well for the White Sox.  That will not continue.  While I don’t think he will be the worst pitcher in the league like he was last year, I can’t pick him against pitchers like Carrasco who fit into the S.T.U.D. model (Shit, This gUys gooD).  I predict at least two home runs for the Indians today and they get the best of “Big Shot Rob,” I mean, “Big Game James.”
Pick: Indians

Cardinals (Lynn) vs Nationals (Gonzalez)

Which Gio are we going to get today?  He is still too Jekyll and Hyde for my liking.  Meanwhile, Lance Lynn is the model of consistency.  He played the role of ambassador for Sweden in model UN.  Every five days he is going to give you a chance to win and abstain from international conflict.  I am going to ride with the consistency of Lynn over the volatility of Gonzalez and open a bank account.
Pick: Cardinals

Mets (Harvey) vs Phillies (Buchholz)

Yesterday, I went against the Mets despite having an obvious advantage in starting pitching and I got burned.  I will not make the same mistake today.  I am going with the Dark Knight himself in his fight against the bane of my existence, Buchholz.   
Pick: Mets

Astros (Musgrove) vs Mariners (Miranda)

Yesterday, I went against the Mariners despite having an obvious advantage in starting pitching and I got burned.  Whoa, déjà vu.  Full confession.  I am a Mariners fan.  I am going to the game tonight. That means they will probably lose.  So yes, the reason I am going to pick the Astros is because I will be there. I am curse.
Pick: Astros

Reds (Davis) vs Pirates (Taillon)

Jameson Taillon went toe to toe with Chris Sale in his Red Sox debut last week.  That was an impressive start.  I still think about it when I feel down. Cheers me up. Gives me confidence.  If Taillon can continue this he will show everyone why he was the second overall pick in 2010.  I still don’t trust a Rookie in his rookie year, especially a rookie Rookie who gave up 4 runs in 3 innings in his Major League Debut.  Give me the Pirates to win this won easy.
Pick: Pirates

Milwaukee (Peralta) vs Blue Jays (Happ)

I did not realize that J.A Happ is 34 years old and has started over 200 games in his career.  He has gotten better with age as well, posting the best year of his career last year, similar to the succulent wine out of France’s fertile belly, the 2003 Chateau Rufonde Garbache.  While I highly doubt he happs it in him to go 20-4 again this year, I do like him to pick up his first win this year against the Brewers. 
Pick: Blue Jays

Orioles (Bundy) vs Red Sox (Pomeranz)

There is something I just don’t like about Drew Pomeranz.  Could be his face.  Could be the scar on my left cheek he gave me in a bar brawl.  The guy was all about potential coming up and yet is on his fourth team.  Once he got to Boston he wilted under the pressure.  Why trust him? He’ll just break a pool stick over his knee and hit you as soon as you turn your back to him.
Pick: Orioles

Braves (Colon) vs Marlins (Straily)

How Bartolo Colon is still pitching effectively despite being 45 years old and weighing 300 pounds is beyond belief.  I can’t believe it.  I won’t believe it!  The only way I’ll believe something so ridiculous is if I attend today’s game and get to touch him between innings, so I can eliminate the possibility they’re just using a hologram. 
Nothing he can do will surprise me anymore.  Throw a perfect game? Sure!  Hit two homeruns and steal a base? Why not! Find out he is taking a rhino tranquilizer and that I show he has defied the odds?  Yeah I can see that.  Since I don’t think he will be suspended for that tasty tranquilizer today I am going with Colon for the win.
Pick: Braves

Padres (Weaver) vs Rockies (Senzatela)

I have no idea what an Antonio Senzatela is, but I would still pick one to beat Jerad Weaver at Coors Field.  This could get ugly in a hurry.
Pick: Rockies

Rangers (Hamels) vs Angels (Skaggs)

Tyler Skaggs has to be one of the most frustrating pitchers in all of baseball.  It always seems like he can only go five innings because his pitch count is so high.  He needs to stop trying to strike everybody out and pitch to contact.  Like the person he is facing today.  Hamels will go deep in this one and get the win for the Rangers.
Pick: Rangers

Diamondbacks (Ray) vs Giants (Samardzija)

Will the Shark eat the Ray?  No I don’t think he will.  Every once in a while Samardzija will throw in absolute dud of a game.  I think today is one of those days.  Give me the Diamondbacks to win and they put up at least 5 off Samardzija.
Pick: Diamondbacks